It was the end of May last year when I had passed out from IIT Delhi. I had a job in hand which I did not want to take up, but I wasn't really bothered because I did have a job in hand. I had someone in my life whom I was crazy about, and who was putting up all kinds of efforts to bring the relationship to an end - but again I wasn't really bothered because I believed that despite all her efforts, She did like me after all. In short, I had about a million minor and major problems in life (just like everyone else) and I wasn't worried about any of those. In fact, the first week of June was supposed to be a fun visit to Mumbai with a truckload of friends !

It was a time when I loved life and enjoyed every moment of it, thrusting my arse in the face of any tensions. I was a different person then.

During the last fourteen months, I changed from being a student to a working professional. I changed from being in the middle of friends to being in the middle of a city where I hardly knew anyone. I changed from being in a city of open spaces to being in a city of claustrophobia. I changed from being someone who lived next door to a good friend to being someone who shared a flat with him - and in the process ended up having the friendship strained. I changed from being someone who believed in myself to being someone who realized that a lot, if not most, of things which I had believed in were not really based on facts (actually, they were mostly based on gut feeling, and I daresay I still trust my gut more than I trust most people but yes, doubts have indeed crept in).

I changed.

Thats the point. I changed myself in an attempt to adjust to the situation. Perhaps this was the reason why I could not find Mumbai too enjoyable (though lack of close friends was certainly a major factor). There have been just so many changes in my life during the past one year that perhaps some change in me was inevitable. But perhaps I have let that carry on a bit too far.

Today, September 2nd 2005, is my first day at home since quitting my job. I am back to where my transition (writing this at the risk of sounding cliched) from boy to man had begun about six years ago. This is where I pledge that I, English August, will return to being my old carefree fun-loving self.

Move over Mr. Governor of California, I will be back!