I have had five interviews in two days with two different firms. And have another interview tomorrow - although that will be a mock. They say finance interviews are supposed to be taxing affairs. Well, I did not do exceedingly well in my interviews, but I can certainly say that I did not get too taxed either.

I spent half of yesterday and the whole of today in central London and must have walked roughly 8-10 kilometres on each of the days. That wasn't too taxing either.

However, what I found truly taxing was the sudden turmoil created in my head after I had a discussion with D, a friend of mine who has been through a similar emotional phase as what I am going through right now. I describe myself as an 'incurable romantic' on this blog - unfortunately, that also implies 'more than partially insane'.

I have been working real hard on getting myself (and my mind) away from a relationship that didn't work out. But it is incredible just how difficult it can be to let go of things. Just one meeting with Her last month and those very same memories come rushing back which I have been trying to get rid of over the past several months. Come to think of it, I actually thought about doing something which most people, including myself when I am in a sane mind (and I am in one right now), would call foolhardy, if not outright insane - all after just one meeting.

I had gone to meet Her purely out of that generic feeling of goodwill that one has for people with whom they were on good terms once. Unfortunately, few minutes into the meeting and that feeling was no longer all that generic. She asked me to fly down to India from London for no good reason really, and I happily (nay moronically) agreed!

Later on, reason began to show up in my head, and the whole idea did appear completely crazy. However, it took a discussion with D at an upmarket London restaurant, followed by a long self-debate, before reason could finally prevail and before I could realize that if I do choose to go, then I would be returning to precisely what I was trying to get rid of and thus negating my own efforts of the last one year or so.

As I write this post, one of my close friends happens to be online on MSN with his nick as "if you do what you've always done, you will get what you've always got". In the context of the state of mind that I was in today, this is perhaps the most relevant quote ever - because I have only had problems with the way I have let things happen and something somewhere needs a change.

Coming to UK had helped me move ahead, but it had not prepared me for the spring-like return that occurred after I met Her. Thankfully, that too stands corrected now.

Thanks to D, I finally did make up my mind - in favour of reason. I am not going to India - certainly not with things being the way they are right now. For better or for worse, but I am not going. Because where I am going is ahead in thought, ahead in action, and eventually ahead in life.