Sometimes I feel I'm like an unsuccessful cricketer who keeps retiring and then making comebacks every now and then. Waqar Younis did it about a hundred times. So did Javagal Srinath and Mark Taylor. The Big Difference being that none of these players were unsuccessful. They kept coming back again and again and when they finally did retire, they were hailed as Greats in their respective countries. Perhaps the same will happen to me too... if I am lucky, that is.

But why I am I saying all this?

Simple enough! For the second time in less than a year, I am making my return to the blog world. And once again I hope to stay here for a longer time than I did in my previous stint.

But unlike my previous 'return-to-blogworld', this time I am a different person in a different world.

Also I am now in a different city. I've moved out of my beloved Delhi (also, may I add, My Beloved in Delhi) and am now in Mumbai. I look different, I dress different, I listen to different music, I have a different address, I have a different phone number, I have a different view of life, I have a different view for people whom I used to know, I have a different set of friends, I have a different idea of fun, I eat different, I drink different, I dance different.

I live different.

But I'm still the same old English August.

Okay I know two posts in sixteen days is really one pathetic rate, but believe me people, its just because I am finishing my stay at IIT so lots of official work has to be completed. I will soon be back to bore you more. Please bear with me till then.

Ciao!

At last CC did ask the question. Am I alive or not? Well, much to chagrin of most of the mankind, I indeed am still alive!

Catching up first… I had my final project report submission due on May 5th at noon, so the 2-3 days before that (and after my last post) were almost entirely spent working on that only. Now normally that would not be much of a problem. Just that this time I had a damn tough exam on the same day, and another major report submission on the same day, and as if this wasn’t enough, I had another damn tough paper on the next day as well! So all in all, the last 60 hours before noon on May 5th were nothing less than a nightmare. Maybe nightmare would be a misnomer because I hardly slept during this period, so technically speaking my body did not experience any ‘night’. Anyway, after what seemed like a superhuman effort, I finally did manage to complete everything in time, and also managed to have a decent exam. Needless to say, I had a long (?) four hours’ sleep after that, and thereafter got down to study for the next exam. Another sleepless night and about 15 hours later, I was through with the last tough exam of my IIT life, and had seemed to done well in it. :-)
(Applause)

Well, the euphoria of pulling off everything successfully did not last long as the next morning IIM results were out. I didn’t make it. For a while, I was indeed quite furious with myself for having fu**ed this up, but just when I was working myself up into a really disgusted, despairing and desolate (**lot of ‘de-‘ words used to indicate pessimism**) mood, I got a call from Her. She does seem to have a knack for identifying the occasions when Her call is needed the most, and that’s one of the million reasons why I like Her. Anyway, the call did get me out of the depressive mood, and by the end of the day I was determined to convert this ‘bad news’ into a good one. That is to say, I have resolved to make the most of this ‘opportunity’ and ensure that something better lies in store for me. As Tim Robbins said in The Shawshank Redemption (certainly one of the best movies I have ever seen), “Remember, Hope is not a bad thing. It is what the world lives by.”

The next day was Saturday and I got to meet one of my old friends from school who was leaving for NID Ahmedabad the same day. Another good news I got on this day was that another very close friend of mine from school had made it to IIM Indore. Now this guy had given interviews for IIMs A, C, and K as well, but he couldn’t make it in those. However, the news was especially joyous for my entire friends’ circle because the Girl in this guy’s life is from Indore itself, and consequently, all other IIMs were considered inferior by him, their placement records, reputations, and public opinions notwithstanding! Sometimes I do find it amazing just how badly girls can short-circuit guys’ minds.

Monday happened to be polling day in Delhi, and thanks to the lovely 42 degrees Celsius weather, not a soul was in sight on the roads. I had to go to the railway station for some reason, and found, to my distinct discomfort I must add, that the only people on the road seemed to be either policemen or troublemaking mawalis!! Anyway, I managed to return to my place without being caught by the police, the only blip being that some crazy idiot banged his Toyota Corolla into my bike on a red light (yes, the lights were working, even on this day!). Thankfully, the accident was nothing serious and my bike got away with only a few inconspicuous scratches whereas the car had its driver side door with a huge dent. Serves him right, huh!

Finally, today was pretty much an uneventful day, with nothing worth a mention except the exam I had today. Most of us had hardly studied anything, and were relying on this one particular friend of ours who studies everything and does well an all exams. We reached the examination hall early, seated ourselves in ‘strategic’ positions, and reserved a central seat for our scholar so that what he wrote in his answer script could be broadcasted to everyone. Unfortunately, the invigilator came and asked us all to rearrange our seats, and I must say what resulted in the next five minutes was nothing but absolute mayhem as most of us refused to budge from our seats, and the invigilator refused to give the question papers till we shuffled ourselves. Finally, we did have to rearrange, but still succeeded in copying most of each other’s answers.

Now tomorrow I have my last exam (hopefully) before I graduate. And as is evident from the length of this post, I have no interest whatsoever in studying for it. Once again I (and several others) are relying on the broadcasting technique of getting marks.

God bless us!

Four years ago, by a curious twist of fate, I was thrown out of a large luxurious room at home and sent into a small room in a hostel. My first impression of my roommate was that "there possibly cannot be a bigger moron than him!". There were about 80 other 17-18 year olds who had joined the same hostel at that time. These were people from all over the country (and a few from abroad as well), with widely varying financial, social, cultural, and ethical backgrounds. The only common feature was that these guys had gotten into an IIT.

I now have about two more weeks to go in this place, and I have come to realize that

that 'biggest moron' roommate from first year is now one of my closest friends

after sharing toilets, rooms, bedsheets, mattresses, shoes, shaving creams, toothpastes, bathing soaps, sh*tsoaps, books, notes, porn mags/CDs etc etc etc (... the list goes on) with quite a few of these people for four years, I have come close to them in a way I could never have imagined four years ago.

most of us will follow different directions in life, but in the end we'll all be striving towards the common goal of becoming better human beings in our own eyes.

the definition of a 'better human being' will differ from person to person.

most of us will not remain as lazy, non-sensical and fraudy as we are now.

six months from now, most of us will have much better sleeping, bathing and sh*tting patterns than what we presently have.

fifteen years later, if any two of us bump into each other in an airport lounge, we'll probably greet each other with the same obscene joke as we use now for that purpose.

if i list out all my 'realizations' here, I'll end up in the Guiness Book of World Records for putting up the longest post in blog-history.

Clearly, a major chapter of my life is drawing to a close. Understandably, the feeling I have right now is a combination of sadness and euphoria (with euphoria > sadness). I enjoy changes in life, and am looking forward to the next phase. I wish all the best to all my friends. I want them to know that even though we may never meet again, they will always be special.

All right here I am again people, at your service with ‘the sequel’!

Continuing from where I left off… I had both the tops with me on April 19th, and wanted to give them to Her as soon as possible. So on April 22nd, I braved hot sunshine, an incredibly huge traffic jam (Raj Ghat to ISBT on Ring Road… took me over an hour to get out of it!), and a large number of jittery nerves, and gave Her a surprise visit. But 22 has always been an unlucky number for me, and She was fast asleep when I reached Her place. I had to kill an hour at a nearby vegetable market (yikes!) before She woke, and then took Her to the nearest Barista outlet. This is where the two subjects of my previous post were handed over to Her.

Her reaction? She was evidently taken by surprise, and asked a lot of questions as soon as I gave them to Her. Why did you buy these? Why did you buy these? I did not need them. Why did you go all the way to Noida? And that too twice?? All these questions (and more) came my way thick and fast, and I handled these bouncers from Her as tentatively as Ajit Agarkar would fend off those by Glenn McGrath (pathetic comparison, I agree :p). Then She fell silent and looked intently as She sat with both elbows on the table, chin supported by the palms, and mouth and nose hidden by Her short childlike fingers. She sat this way for some time while I looked on, puzzled… then suddenly I thought I saw the ends of Her mouth twitch… probably a fleeting smile. I couldn’t be sure as Her hands covered much of Her face. A second later, I saw the twitch again, this time more evident. And the next moment, Her hands came off the face as She burst into uproarious laughter. She continued this way for the next ten minutes, Her laughter interrupted only by the occasional ‘you are mad!’ aimed at me, while I could do little else besides look on. In the end, I guess She did like what She received; the glow on the face said it all, even though She didn’t say it in as many words.

Yes, my money was indeed well spent.

February 9, 2004:-
Both of us are at The Centrestage Mall in Sector 18 Noida, and are killing time before the movie begins. In the process we end up at this store called Westside. As soon as we enter, She heads straight for the ladies garments' section and, having no other option, I follow suit. Its probably my first time in such a zone, and I am quite surprised to find that the amount of cloth used in making any given skirt is inversely proportional to the value on its price tag! While I am still marveling at this seemingly unnatural correlation, She has already taken a good look at all the different kinds of tees, spaghettis, tank tops, shirts, sleevelesses, what-nots on display, and is now staring longingly at a top which seems to have caught Her fancy. I ask her if She wants to buy it. She just about begins to nod, then stops herself and says, "Oh no no. I was just wondering how much this costs. I dont want it. Really."
We wander around a little more, and then go on to watch the movie.

April 18, 2004:-
Once again I am at The Centrestage Mall wondering how to pass my time when I realize that She will be leaving Delhi in less than 10 days, and that I may probably never get to see Her again. My little mind is completely overcome by this idea, and I immediately decide that I'll gift her the same top which she had liked the other day.

However, even after a good half an hour of searching, I am unable to locate the top... mainly because I can't seem to remember what She chose that day. Unfazed, I decide that I will gift her some other pretty top; after all, I cannot let Her leave the town without giving Her something to remember me by. But then problems galore at every step, and I realize that my aesthetic sense (in this case, my 'taste' regarding clothes) has already met with severe criticism, and that gifting Her something of my own choice could seriously endanger the relationship! So I call up one of Her friends to find out what kinda clothes does She like. After a good ten minutes of discussion, I am left with a few keywords (rather, attributes about ladies' tops) which I should look for in the dresses on display. After a good deal of looking about and asking around, I manage to shortlist six different kinds of tops, all of which seem to satisfy the criteria given to me on the phone. Now the problem is to select one out of the six. Being the highly resourceful person that I am, I put on an innocent look, walk up to a cute-looking girl in the store, narrate my problem to her, and ask her to help me select the right dress for my sweetheart. Flustered, she tells me to get lost in as many words (I am grateful she didn't call the security at the store!). I look around in confusion a little more, and then (see my spirit, people!) walk up to another girl at the store and ask her to help me out. (Try try try until you succeed, they say, and) This time the girl agrees!

Two hours later, I am back at my place and looking at the top I have bought for Her. That was when it struck me. WHAT IF SHE DOESN'T LIKE THE TOP!???

In typical hindi movie fashion, all kinds of dire scenarios flash before my eyes in half a second. My engineer-brain goes into overdrive and quickly calculates that out of about a 100 different kinds of dresses on display at Westside, the probability that She might like the one I have brought would be a meagre 0.01 !!! Even if I narrow down the available set to six dresses, the probability would still remain 0.166! It became clear that something must be done to improve the situation.

April 19, 2004:-
I am back at Westside!!! This time it doesn't take too much time as I dont have to locate the five remaining dresses. I call up Her friend again, and take detailed instructions regarding what kind of dresses are considered 'pretty' by women. Armed with a large amount of gyaan, I select one out of these five dresses. I am about to buy it when another thought crosses my mind... what if this top doesn't fit her? (think I should point out here that the previous day's top was a freesize thingie). Well, once again my resourcefulness takes over. I take a good look at all the PYTs in the store, walk up to one whose physique seems similar to Hers, and (beat that!) coax her into trying on the tops so that she can tell me what size fits her best!!

Two hours later, I am back at my place admiring my handiwork. I have spent a huge fortune on Her 'gifts' (petrol cost for two myplace-centrestage-myplace trips, and phone cost for two ten-minute calls to her friends being included)... and since I now have two out of the six dresses, the probability that she will like her gifts is now 0.333.

I believe my money is well spent!

Moral of the story: An engineer who has a girl in his life MUST be mad.
Proof: This entire blog.

Ahh! YESSS! Success!!!

I have done it. I have managed to get over that proverbial 'writer's block', which had led me to discard my first blog after just a single post (Refer to the first post on this blog). And as a result of getting over that blog, and as a result of getting over that 'block' (ugh!), here I go again...

Well, I didn't find too many takers for my experience during the IIMK interview. People don't seem to believe that I did all that I did. So I choose not to narrate the remaining IIM interviews in detail. I'll just sum it all up by saying that I gave the interview for two other IIMs (which I am very keen on joining, unlike IIMK), and did quite well in both the interviews - mostly because I did not allow my PJ-instincts to take over! The final results will be out in another two weeks and anyone who has been in my situation would certainly know just how slowly the days seem to pass when one awaits a BIG result, and expects it to be positive.

I am now (hopefully!) into my last month of undergrad life, and have precious little to do throughout the day. I usually wake up in the late afternoon, and my day begins not too long before the official closing time of government offices! I rarely attend classes, have hardly done anything on my project, and have truckloads of pending work. But then, as I always say,
WORRIED + WORK NOT DONE <> WORK DONE
Going by the above, I will have to stop worrying sometime real soon, and get down to serious work. I am in a Gilmour-ish situation, and would do well to realize that the moment has come for killing the past, and coming back to life. Of course, thats easier said (typed, actually) than done. All those who thought they could gain some weight by just eating, sleeping and doing nothing all day MUST think again because I have been doing this for almost the last one year, and am still as skinny as I was last July!

These days my appetite for reading just doesn't seem to get satisfied. Explanable, one might say, considering that I spend most of my day doing nothing, and if one is doing nothing then one has to be doing something, which in my case turns out to be reading. The British Council Library is probably the best thing to happen to me. Otherwise, I am convinced, I could have single-handedly kept the literary books' market up and running!
The last book I read was Heart of Darkness, by Joseph Conrad. Awesome book, if one likes this kind of stuff. Now I know why this book is included in most 'English Honours' curriculums across the country, maybe even across the world.

Last week I made the near-fatal error of watching Mastee. Managed to watch it for a full fifteen minutes before I realized that I'd be a victim of severe mental derangement if I even attempted to watch the entire movie. This movie is so extremely avoidable that I would strongly recommend everyone to not go for the movie even if the producer declares a 100 bucks' premium for every single viewer. After all, retaning one's sanity is far more important than money!

Lastly, congratulations to Sourav and his team for providing Indian cricket with its first overseas series victory in eighteen years. Lets hope these guys win in England as well later this year.

Well! India has just completed a long-awaited first test victory in Pakistan. Cheers Team India! :-) Poor Sourav seems to have had the most unfair deal in this matter I guess... After putting together the team, he couldn't be a part of the group that completed this landmark victory. And I cant seem to figure out just WHY am I unable to get the formatting correct everytime I put up a post. "The Interview" was supposed to have lots of formatting... and somehow not a single one is visible! Guess I need to be a little more careful while uploading posts. :-/ Oh .. I almost forgot... Happy Fools' Day to everyone!

I did my schooling at a picturesque hill-town in north India, and used to be a really shareef kid till about class 9. I studied hard, topped my classes, didn't even look at girls, and didn't know about the male and female reproductive systems till the time I read it in the class 10 biology textbook.

Then came the change.

By the time I entered class 11, I was a pro at narrating "non-veg" jokes, was bunking school to go trekking in the hills with friends, and even had a steady girlfriend, besides a large number of non-steady ones! (Mind you, I do not regret a single moment of it all ... hehe). At the time it felt like 'Titanic' love; that it would go on forever; that I would go on to marry my girl, and will live happily ever after with her.

Then came the change.

I finished school, and got into a prestigious engineering college in Delhi. She still had an year to go in school. Both of us were mature enough to realize that it would be moronic to continue a juvenile relationship, specially because we weren't going to be in the same city. So just before I joined my college in Delhi, we broke up without any harsh feelings on either side. I spent the first few months dealing with the immense academic pressure, and getting to know the city and its people (and, needless to say, looking for a new girl to go around with). However, I soon realized just how mean this world could be to an eighteen-year-old. A person used to the friendly small-town culture, I was shocked to see that there were people who spoke to you only when they wanted some sort of a favour from you. There were girls who wanted to go around with you so that they could show you off to their friends (and not because they liked you!). There were girls who wanted you for (uh.. well) SEX! A few such flings and I was completely pissed with the entire social structure. But I refused to look at myself in a pitiful way. This was life and I decided to take it head on... and enjoy as much as I could in the process. I detached myself from everything (thats where the name of this blog comes from), made great friends with a few guys in the hostel, and flirted with as many girls as I could without bothering to get into any sort of a relationship with them. By the time I finished my third-year at college, I had had at least two dozen flings (considered a record of sorts by the people in my hostel!!). It seemed as if I had managed to incorporate the concept of a maintenance-free device into my own system. I did not seem to need ANYone for any kind of emotional support, and scoffed at those who did. I was extremely happy and popular for what I was, and was your typical fun-loving, happy-go-lucky guy who was always cheerful and whom everyone liked to be with. I made my own rules, and lived life according to my own principles. I simply wanted to be the best, and was well on the way.

Then came the change.

At some stage, during the fourth-year of my (college and) flirting-blitzkreig, I actually started liking a girl. I was a good 22 years old now, and this was no mere crush. It was extremely tough for me to get out of my 'detached' mode, and accept the fact that I too could get attached to someone. I didn't like the idea that I could have a weakness; that I too could need someone for emotional support. Anyway, I was fortunate - the girl also liked me, and my first real love affair took off. For a few months we were the happiest two people on earth, and everything was a fairytale. I used to drive huge distances to go and meet her (mind you, Delhi is IMMENSE!!). She used to break every rule under the sun in order to sneak out of her hostel to meet me. She had her own set of flaws (she lied a lot, mostly for fun, which I Hated with a capital 'H'), but I was willing to overlook everything. We watched movies together, spent hours with each other without saying a word, spent nights holding hands and talking to each other.

Then came the change.

I realized that her incessant lying was beginning to make me doubt everything she said. I started losing trust in her. She too started retreating as she began to doubt if she was really in love or was it just a phase. She was also concerned about the fact that we had come too close to each other without a long-term commitment. "I dont love you, but I am not flirting with you either" was what she told me one day. The statement didn't make sense to me. I do not believe there can be any middle path in such matters. I was suddenly thoroughly disgusted with everything, most of all with myself for allowing myself to come out of the 'detached'-mode and liking someone who lied all the time, and was not even sure what she had been doing all this while. (Suddenly all her flaws started to show through). I realized that both of us were drifting apart, and I wanted to stop it somehow. I didn't want it to happen, but I could not deny that I was losing trust in her. However, in a desperate bid to save the relationship, I told her that I was willing to give a long-term commitment if she too gave me one. I told her that I'd like to spent my entire life with her.

Her answer: I have exams for the next two months'...after that I will think it over and let you know.

You call up someone, a voice answers the call and tells you, "please hold on for two hours, after that I will go and find out if the person you want to speak to is at home or not." What is one most likely to do in such a situation?

Hang up! But obviously!

Thats exactly what I feel like doing. I feel like giving up on her completely. Slowly but surely, I have already begun to detach myself from everything. I feel flirted with. I feel disgusted with myself for letting myself become vulnerable. Yet, another part of me feels that maybe she does need the time to think about it. Hope never dies, they say. And I suppose it is hope which is still pulling me towards her, otherwise I would have given up long ago. We still talk, and she still lies. But her lies now appear doubly lie-like (if you know what I mean). One part of my mind is prepared to give her the benefit of doubt, whereas another part begs me to treat her the way I would treat anyone else had he/she behaved with me in a similar manner. Yet another part reminds me that I anyway have been flirting with a lot of people. So whats the big deal if someone was smart enough to fool me? I should just go and flirt a little more with someone else!

Damn. Stop!
Those of you who have managed to read this boring piece of electronic text this far might want to shoot me for having made them read all this, but I just had to vent these thoughts out in some way or the other. I have chosen this blog as my outlet.

P.S. Clearly, the story is far from over. Where it goes from here, only time will tell. Meanwhile the readers are welcome to give their comments.

Hi!

This is the first time I'm blogging. Or rather I should say this is the first time I am blogging seriously! The last time i blogged, i thought it was crazy stuff meant only for people who had nothing to do. I put up just one post, and then stopped completely.

Lets see how far i get this time!